12 Things you should NEVER say to your teenage child
"As long as you live in this house you do what I say", "I understand how you feel right now",
and 'Why should I tell you everything a thousand times? " - These mantras only annoying adolescences
and increasing the gap between you two. Here is a list try to avoid; It will only be good for your relationship.
Remember that once you were a teenager? Remember that parents always told you those regular sentences
that only made them more irritated you? Even though you promised yourself that you're different - then suddenly,
almost uncontrollably, those sentences with those exact words coming from your mouth.
What to do? Learn to stop just before you throw sentences to the air that can get them mad,
and certainly not bring you closer together. You can still set boundaries in other ways.
It is also important you understand that ultimately adolescence is a period passes. Yes that is sometimes long
periods and worrying that no one seemed to listen, however it is important to watch and stop establish parental
authority, even when you want to give up. Continue to establish the rules. Even if the adolescent is not going
where it needs to go, he will know you're there.
So those sentences should avoid?
"When I was your age ..." It can have a different version like "Look what
I did when I was your age ...". Better not to say sentences like that. In terms of
the children , the parents were born right at forty, they were not children or
adolescents before. Even when they are ready to admit that mom and dad were
once teenagers, it was at least a million years ago, so this statement is not valid.
Even annoying. Comparison to them is totally irrelevant, that what was true 30 years
ago is not similar to what happens today.
"I see you, I know how you feel" Our children are sure we do not understand them.
For them, we think we understand that once we were their age, but that was a long time ago. As long as we are not in their class within their tribe, in their mind, walk around with their friends - we have no right to say such a statement, because we can not really understand them. We think we remember, but it is far from us. In many cases this sentence annoying and far better to avoid saying it.
"Do not go out like home" How many times did you say this sentence when the child was out of the house and nothing happened? Eventually, the boy left the house dressed exactly as he wanted. Most often, it is a statement that we do not stand behind it, so think hard whether to say it. The eyes of our children we are not fashionable. They want to be as "coolies" and you intervene and stop him from that. You do not connect the hairs that fall on your face, do not like the jeans two sizes too big or torn shirt sleeve. It does not fit into your world, do not you think beautiful or dignified, but it's their world. Do not fight with them about style, but you should also establish rules related to modesty and explain the importance of this.
"First tidy up your room" Parents should understand that children are not organized their room if they do not want. The room is showing their internal mess, and they do not understand the frenzy around the order. Understand the issue and you will reach a decision: Do you just arrange their room as arrange the living room and the kitchen, or simply live in peace with the mess room of the adolescent? House with the order and importance of cleanliness, will serve as a model for children. In those years it's just not in their mind.
"What do you have to talk all the time?" The girl returned home from school just now and went to her room to talk to her friends on the phone, Skype and Facebook. You're getting crazy, do not understand what they have to talk so much and throw the sentence into the air. You should understand, this is an argumental quetion and annoying since they DO have what to talk about. They talk about parents who annoy them and their friends, that is the most important to them in the world.
"Look at the neighbor's child" This could be the child of a family friend or aunt's
son - in any case, there is no place to make comparisons. It doen't help motivate
them and the whole thing with comparison is just wrong.
On the contrary, a comparison is something disheartening, annoying and
depressing. Your kids are what they are, and there is no pointcomparing them
to something else.
"Stop eating that crap" Children eat junk if that's what they have at home,
they will warm their favorite food if any refrigerator. If you care about
children's eating habits, take care of it by buying healthy and nutritious food
into home. Do not expect your child to take care of that himself.
"Even I can happily spend with your girlfriends" Mothers, you should know: girls hate their mothers chilling out with their friends. The intention is not a pleasant conversation with the girl's friends, but mom is trying to be as young and trendy slang uses. It is not true to behave so, it makes parents looks foolish. Every time the children make their own language so that we, the parents, will not be part of it. It does not makes you cool or younger.
"It's a shame you do not exploit your potential?" Without a doubt this is one of the most annoying sentences there, and of course he does not encourage the childrento use their potential. Potential is not only the level of IQ, this is my investment in what matters to me. It could be a guy falling in love, it can be a must win game, and it might be time that I invest Scouts. All abilities will go there.It is important to understand the potential not related to academic success. Be around, take care but avoid sentences that only deepened the anger and withdrawal.
"Why do I have to tell you everything a thousand times?" Child comes home throws his bag and went into the living room. We get angry and Spot the case suddenly becomes part of the personality of the adolescent. Specific cases coming out of context and get dramatic descriptions child will not listen. Phrases like "you're not even puting your dishes in the dishwasher, no matter how much I ask," will not only cause a change in behavior adolescent sense of anger and frustration. Once there is something that bothers you try to contact your child in a more positive one. Many times parents come from the educated and it's just the opposite is acceptable adolescent.
"You're not telling me the truth" In other words you tell a child he is a liar. You ask a question, the child answers, you do not believe and do not hide the feeling. "Sure you went to school? If I call and ask will they tell me the same thing?" These sentences defeats the child. Very frustrating that someone is not believe you, at some point the child will lie thinking that way do not believe him then why tell the truth? To doubt the kids will not make them tell the truth. On the contrary.
"If you want to live here act as I say" Not working and not recommended. Education does not comes from negative language. On the contrary, he will come through good feedbach and respect. This language must learn and adopt. Constant criticism will lead to anti-war adolescents attitude. Such sentences will put the majority of children are standing in front of them on the defensive and helpless parents entering unnecessary power struggles. Try to avoid the criticism and instead try to create a dialogue and a common language.
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